The Things I Learned from My Father
Death makes one appreciate life so much more.
Almost a month ago, I lost my father suddenly with him not having any serious illness. My father was someone I looked up to and whom I always turn to regarding advice let it be personal or professional. He always readily listened to my ideas no matter how random or absurd they may seem. Not only that, but he also has advised me on so many things, things that may have sounded absurd to me when I was a kid but grew to appreciate as I grew up. In the time since losing him, I have taken the time to grieve and mourn for my loss, but ultimately, I realized that in the short 24 years that I spent with him, I have learned so much from things that he may or may not indirectly advise me on. While I could go on endlessly about what I have learned from him, below are some of the key lessons that I know I will carry for the rest of my life.
1.) Always lend an ear no matter who is talking
As human beings, it is very easy to have the urge to make ourselves heard or try to make sure our points get across when talking to others, sometimes interrupting them when they are talking. What I observed from my father every time he was talking to others was how he kept quiet when others were talking, only talking when others have finished getting their messages across. Not interrupting others when they are talking also allowed my father to interpret and dissect the information he was getting which ensured his responses were not done hastily, his responses thus adding value to the conversation. I guess this is what people mean when they say “Silence is golden”.
2.) Be curious and never stop learning
This may seem obvious to everyone, but as a kid growing up, I’ve seen how my father learns continuously in fields he has no prior exposure to. His curiosity and attitude to learning also allowed me to be able to share certain ideas or random articles I come across that the next time we were discussing them, he already has feedback that came from his own research on the topics. He always reminded me of not rooting myself exclusively in one field but keeping my options open to everything. Of course, it is important to have a certain expertise in a field to not be too much of a generalist, but too much of anything is not good, hence why the importance of learning continuously in order to be aware of what is happening in various fields.
3.) Work in silence
To me, my father was someone who worked hard and provided for his family. And while this is of course true, I have come to learn these past few weeks how impactful he was to the people around him. He was never one to share what he did to me or even to anyone really, but these past few weeks, I have been fortunate to meet people who have had the chance to interact with my father and who told me of what impact he has brought into their lives mainly revolving around charitable and good causes. Although sometimes I wish I had known about these earlier when he was still around, I finally understood why my father was never a man of many words.
4.) Be kind, always
Again, being kind may be obvious to everyone, but the kindness I mean here is being emotionally intelligent. To me as his son, my father was a man who was strict and wouldn’t hesitate to discipline me whenever I made a mistake. And yet, talking to my father’s friends these past few weeks allowed me to know my father from their perspective. His friends were just as surprised to know how my father is a strict person the same way I was surprised to know how my father is an emotionally intelligent person who empathized well with others. Not saying that a strict person isn’t a kind person, but I now understand why my father never invalidated me whenever I talked to him about a random idea or random article that I came across.
5.) Be courageous
It is ironic how I am learning courage through losing my father, but then at the same time also realizing that my father has been “preparing” me for this since almost a decade ago when he sent me to study abroad by myself. Studying abroad allowed me to learn how to rely on myself especially when it comes to taking a decision or solving everyday problems while at the same time being comfortable in the face of uncertainty. In times like now when everything is highly uncertain, I keep on reminding myself of one of the things he said to me when I first moved abroad and complained about how hard my situation was back then, “If you can’t handle the challenges you are facing today, how will you face the tougher challenges of tomorrow?
While there were many other lessons that I learned from my father, I have come to the realization that throughout the years I spent with him, my father allowed me to explore. My father was never one to force anything on me, especially regarding my studies back then or the career choices that I have taken after graduating. Sure, he may have certain opinions on my decisions, but he would never invalidate my choices and would rather let me give my take on said decisions before giving his two cents. Although I know I will miss having the privilege of having my father around or only being a phone call away for a random discussion on the most random of things, I know that I will always carry the lessons he has given me throughout the past 24 years as I continue on with my life. Perhaps, these same lessons were the answer to how I will be facing the tougher challenges of tomorrow.
